Family first

Years ago I brought in Doug Pelfrey, the former Cincinnati Bengals placekicker, to speak at my annual conference. The audience thought they were going to get a lesson on winning in business and the lessons he learned while playing football. While Doug shared his words of wisdom on playing in the NFL and what we could learn from that, he made quite an impression on my attendees, and especially on me, with one story he told us. He shared what Hall of Famer Mike Singletary, the rough, tough linebacker from the Super Bowl Champion Chicago Bears, had in his house. In the foyer was a framed version of his family’s vision statement. Family was very important to Singletary. So, I ask you, do you have a vision statement for your family?

A vision statement is your desired state – the place you’re trying to get. It’s different from a mission statement. A mission statement is what you do on a daily basis to achieve that vision statement. And your family needs one just as badly as your business needs one. A vision statement is the ultimate time management tool as it clarifies what is important and tells you exactly what you need to work on. It’s a filter of sorts that helps you make decisions.

I’m 47 years old and when I started writing this column for Lawn & Landscape magazine almost 15 years ago, I was still a young father, confused as to what I should be doing. One of my best mentors is Karl Frydryk, who is 15 years older than I am. He’s the big brother that in many ways I don’t have. He’s made my business better, and he’s made me a better father and husband, too.

He told me when I first met him in 1994 after my first daughter was born, “Those kids will grow up quickly. Make them first in your life.” I’ve never forgotten that. I’ve done a pretty good job at that, not great. There are plenty of tears that come as I reflect now, with that little girl graduating from college next month. I could have done better. I could have worked less; I know I could have. I could have delegated then like I do today and I know I wouldn’t have missed the things I missed. I’ve gotten better with each kid. My youngest, Grant, who is 15, is the beneficiary of this.

I could, and just might, write a whole book on this topic but for now, here’s some advice from my experience. Do these 10 things:

1. Get a plan for your business and clarify your vision and mission. Let your guard down and ask your team for help developing these.
2. Take that vision and mission, clarify with your team what your three to five key issues for the year are and develop an action plan to address them.
3. Delegate. And if you don’t know how, hire an expert to teach you how to delegate properly.
4. Celebrate the successes along the way.
5. Get into work early, work hard, stay focused on those three to five key issues and leave early.
6. Never, ever miss a kid’s function. Be home for dinner and be an engaged member of your family. I know you’re going to miss stuff. I still have to, however, I try not to.
7. Take an annual family vacation and make it mandatory.
8. Let all of the people in your life at work and at home know you appreciate them. Tell them and, more importantly, show them.
9. Spend some time with other positive, forward-thinking business owners who balance family and business well.
10. Pass these lessons on to your kids and anyone else who will listen.

I’m a good dad and a good husband, not a great one. I’m still learning and those of you younger than I am have a chance to learn from what I’m sharing here. Here’s what I do know to be an absolute truth: My kids and my wife seem to still want to be around me and no amount of money your business generates will ever trump that.

Stop what you are doing and add Harry Chapin’s “Cat’s in the Cradle” to your iTunes playlist and listen to it once a week as a constant reminder of what’s really important.

And to my friend Karl: Thank you for showing me what’s important and that is to have a vision for success for your family. I promise you, a vision for a successful family will make all the hard work during the week worth it.